Except the pain won't stop, cuz you won't die. Not from words anyway. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That's bull. Broken bones heal. Broken hearts don't. And it doesn't take a boyfriend to break my heart. Probably because all my friends have a share in it. Which sucks.
Final New Year Resolution:
Draw away. I'm sorry, but I'm taking my heart back.
Closing this blog.
Well here we are. 22 hours and 31 minutes into the first day of the new year. Which is a good time to state the resolutions, no? I've decided on many specific small ones, rather than a few general huge ones. So there's a total of 12:
Academic:
1. Focus on the task at hand
2. Study for and ace EVERY test
3. Study at least an hour a day
4. 1 hour of piano every other day
Fitness:
4. Gold for NAFA (shaddup. I can hear you snigger.)
5. Reach and maintain ideal weight of 48kg - which isn't too far away really
6. Swim twice a week
Lifestyle:
7. No surfing Fanfict sites
8. No blogging on weekdays
9. Focus on the task at hand
10. Stop procrastinating
11. Pray the Rosary every Friday
12. Do all things in His Name
Pretty do-able resolutions I think. But I guess all these point to two major aims in particular:
1. Get my PSC overseas-merit scholarship
2. Become a better Catholic
For aim numero uno, it's pretty obvious I need to do well academically. Like, straight As and a Distinction for S paper - 2, if i can hack it. I know I'm at a disadvantage cuz I retained - but if meritocracy is what it is, perfect grades will get me an interview, and between Him and me, we'll handle the rest.
And for the second aim, well, we'll deal with that as it comes. Like, in my new blog, cornership.blogspot.com. which isn't up yet, so be patient.
Right. Daddy-O is sitting on my desk, bugging me to get offline. Which really doesnt give me a choice. So nitez babez. And have a blessed new year. :p
It's heartening to know that good things still happen.
My godbrother Jason found an old retriever on monday - in all likelihoods abandoned by the people it loved. He brought it home...and it really is adorable. You know how old dogs are like. Friendly, manja...really sweet. He called him Buddy.
Yesterday at about 6.30pm, Buddy ran away. My mum said maybe it's still looking for it's owner. But it was raining heavily, and nobody wanted to just let it go. We were out at the time, but when we got back from dinner, we spent close to an hour scouting the streets looking for an old, probably wet and bedraggled retriever, hoping that maybe somebody had taken him in.
When we finally gave up and drove home, everybody was pretty down. As my dad pulled the car into the lot, my mum suddenly goes: "There's Buddy!" And there he was, walking along the path in the park opposite our house. Jase had brought him over on the 26th, and maybe he had smelled his way back. We jumped out of the car, and Buddy came straight over. He just loves people, i think he would have come to anybody at that point. I hope his owners cry themselves to sleep every night out of guilt. Dad coaxes him into the house, and we tell Jase we found his dog.
I don't think I'll ever understand why people abandon their pets. Can you imagine walking from house to house, approaching car after car, hoping (and without doubt, because I don't think dogs are capable of doubt) that somewhere, somehow, the people who left you behind are coming to take you home? Buddy comes into a house, and goes right through it, hoping that somehow, he's come home. But he hasn't, and no matter how much we love and pamper him, he will never truly be home. Because he still believes his owners will come for him. And that they're looking for him the way he's looking for them. Don't ever abandon your pet.
And that's not counting the missing. Or those poor villagers on islands nobody has taken a census of. There's so much death going on in the world, it doesn't really hit you until you're forced to stare at it in the face. And consider each of these 80 763 as individuals with father, mother, son, daughter, best friend, dog, boyfriend, fiancee, wife, schoolmates, teachers and dreams. And you wonder what happens to all these people now that a loved one is gone. Or many loved ones. How you would feel if your whole family was wiped out - right in front of you. And there's no way to take revenge - how do you revenge the sea? The earth? God? Where was God when this happened? Did He let it happen? Make it happen?
You look at all this destruction in the papers - read the stories of those who have lost loved ones, or who are looking for them. Then you put the paper down and look around you. And you see - nothing. Nothing to show that anything has changed. That maybe 100 000 people have been swept away, less than a day's plane ride away. We are so protected - economically, politically, socially, religiously even - and now we know geographically. Not that we didn't know before - just that we never realised to what extent. That our cousins and friends just a few kilometres away can be facing a situation where there is no hope - and that we can be facing a situation which doesnt appear to have changed.
It starts at around 4.30pm. We stop whatever we're doing, and jostle for our bathroom (cuz that's the one with the nice smelling body shop sugar and spice bath and shampoo). I give up and settle down on my bed with a book, just so nobody notices and tells me to go bathe in mum's bathroom. After about half an hour and several pointed raps on the bathroom door, she comes out smelling like orange - which she could have found in mum's bathroom. Ah well, it's Christmas Eve and I've already worked off my weird mood - I refuse to take the bait. My turn for a half hour long, beautifully scented, relaxing bath.
I've already picked out the dress I'm gonna wear for Christmas Eve Mass. A dark green strapless number with black trimming. Matches my black heels, choker and earrings purrrfectly. So after coming out of the bath smelling distinctly like sugar, spice and all things nice, it takes me less than 20min to get ready. Which is pretty good, considering. Daddy catches sight of me before I get in the car, and orders me to put a shawl on. Ah well. You win some, you lose some.
Mass is, as usual, beautiful. I still feel like something's missing, but it doesn't hurt too bad. I guess on Christmas, you want it to be right so much it just is right.
After church, it's off to our annual Christmas Eve family dinner at Nana's place. Everybody's there - Nana of course, Uncle Vyner, Uncle Vernon&Aunty Noraini&Adil, Godma&Uncle Mark&Sonya. The food's always the same - but that's how it's supposed to be. Turkey, pontay, shepherd's pie, devil's curry - it tastes like Christmas Eve. The adults talk about adult stuff, and we kids drift off to Uncle Vyner's room. Which is really where, out of sight and sound of the adults, we're more comfortable with one another.
We emerge at midnight to a round of kisses, hugs and well wishes - as well as presents from everybody to everybody. After the thanks, more kisses hugs and well wishes, we all leave - bringing with us chocolate cakes, orange cakes, cookies, sugee buiscuits and cake AND shepherd's pie. Breakfast tomorrow would be easy enough to decide on.
It's 1.30am when we reach home. Ness and I decide to give mum and dad their presents, thus starting off another round of exchanges of affection and gifts. By the time we drag ourselves upstairs, it's almost 2.30 - which is about the time I get a surprise visit and gift. If you read this, which I doubt you do, thanks. :)
I awake to the sound of the gate opening, and for a split second I'm afraid I overslept and it's lunch time. A glance at the clock reassures me it's only 10.30 - so I get changed and delight in pulling Nessa out of bed. She's more satisfying to wake up than Jeremy. I spend some time deliberating over what I should wear, and finally decide I'd rather look National Day than Christmas Tree, so red and white it is. The green shorts would have to wait for tomorrow. I go downstairs and assume my position as poker of toothpicks into sausagecucumber and cheesepineapple combos.
People start coming about 12...the family friends first: Aunty Lee Noy&Uncle Daniel&Daryl&Derek&Leonara, Aunty Shirley&Uncle Thomas&Sheila&Sibyl (who's coming to TJ next year whoop!)&Thaddeus, Uncle Edward&AuntyDinah&Melissa&Melanie, Uncle Philip&family...followed by mostly my friends - Jannie, Tootsie, Charmie, my darling darling councillors, classmates, Jon, Denise&Martino (*grinz*), JC, Pris, Chris...and then at night Aunty Alicia&Aunty Tina&Stacey&Sarah.
Yesh I'm perfectly aware nobody's quite interested in the last paragraph - but it's MY blog, so I can write what I like. Besides, every blogger functions on the assumption that people are actually interested in SOME part of their blog.
The 26th is more of a family day. We go for Mass in the morning, cuz it's the Feast of the Holy Family. That's what I love about the Catholic Church - every day is special.
The kids start coming at about 3pm. And from then on, it really does feel like Christmas. They really are darlings - although they dont take too kindly to kisses. :p
Gosh I'm tired. Gonna turn in. G'nite babez. Sweet dreams.
Which is sucky, cuz it's Christmas Eve. And nobody's supposed to be mad on Christmas Eve. My mum's mad cuz I'm supposed to help her with marketing but I woke up late. My sis is mad cuz I took too long in the bathroom. And several other ppl are mad for various reasons. And are thus ignoring my msgs. You know, staying mad never helps ANYONE. But hey, who ever really listens to me? *shrugz* I suppose it's my fault too anyway.
This was supposed to be a happy post. So it will be. At least this part of it. Last night, I had the best couple of hours I've had in the longest time. Christmas party at Trevor's place with Lincoln. I love you guys, you know? Well, most of the time anyway. FYI, I am still anti-relationship. Things said during truth or dares shouldnt be resurrected. *grinz* I havn't felt so comfortable around a group of ppl for a long time. As in, comfortable, dont need to be someone they think I am, dont need to be the big sister (being the younger sister is generally a lot easier) , dont need to constantly defend myself against immature jibes, in jest or no (sometimes it's hard to tell), dont need to do anything but be there kind of comfortable. I could get used to this.
Unfortunately, I cant. School starts in less than 2 weeks (argh HOMEWORK), as does piano (sob...portfolio), exams (maths test 2nd week...noooooooooo), and the general grind towards A levels.
Which makes now a good time as any to set down my aims. Just so I don't change them after a particularly horrible encounter with people who say I've already lost:
1. Study at least 2 hrs a day. (Yes, I know. But if I've gotta be a mugger to get what I want, a mugger I will be.)
2. Ace all tests. (Ditto above.)
3. JCTs: ABB, Merit
4. Prelims: AAB, Distinction (It's far away enough to start trying)
5. A Levels: AAA, Distinction
So that eventually, when I get my results back...
PSC Overseas-Merit Scholarship. I wanna get away. Be alone. Independent. I love this country, and I'll definitely come back. For good. I just need to breathe. 4 years of freedom and the REAL ability to make choices are within my reach. No matter what people say about 3-yr JC students. If meritocracy is a reality, my grades will get me the interview. And I will get me my scholarship. Watch me.
And to 2 of the ppl who are currently ignoring me, thank you for using the knowledge that you, of all people, have the ability to break me. Once again, you've taught me a lesson in trust. Never do it.
| Your Element Is Air |
 And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that! |
| You Are a Dreaming Soul |
 You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul |
Haha. As can be seen, I'm bored. Sigh.